Finding Effie
by Katie1995
Summary: Effie weighed her answers before choosing the one that she knew would cause the less pain. "Effie loves you," she said, "but this woman" – she gestured to herself – "she doesn't know who she is." Effie's torment after her torture. Can Haymitch understand?


**(A/N – I don't own the Hunger Games nor the characters; all rights are reserved to Suzanne Collins.)**

**Finding Effie**

Effie sat beside her bedroom window. The rain had always fascinated her – how it could cause rainbows and life like crystals on everything making the boring look glamorous. But now, even the mention of water would terrify her beyond control. Sometimes it would affect her so badly, she'd shake violently until she found away to avoid it. But Haymitch was there beside her the whole time, and although he wanted to understand, she wouldn't let him.

Haymitch couldn't see her weak now. She had gone through far too much for the rebellion to lose it at the last moment. Placing a palm against the glass, she rested her head on the glass, her ear like her hand pressed against the window and she could hear each drop tap the window, the speed varying from fast to slow as the wind picked up and then dropped again. The sound didn't affect her like the touch did.

"Effie," a voice sighed, footsteps replying in a silence only Effie understood. "It doesn't do you good sitting around the house all day."

Haymitch's face reflected off the window and settled droplets. She could see the pain that lined his face when she had one of these moments. Effie wish she could tell him, but words failed her each time, and instead, silence kept her company.

"I've done the housework," she answered, her voice distant, "And started dinner."

Haymitch placed a hand on top of hers still placed upon the clod glass. His other hand came to stroke her cheek, brushing a dirty-blonde curl out of her face.

"You know I don't mean that," he said, his voice painfully sorrowful. "Please," he whispered, "let me help you."

Effie didn't answer for a very long time. Her eyes were still concentrated on the jewels that fell graciously from the grey skies above. Her stunning blue eyes were completely absorbed by the beauty her captors transformed to pain. Why was nature so cruel?

"Effie," Haymitch repeated, his hand clenching suddenly over hers, tightly.

"Haymitch," she responded, her tone tired, "Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Sweetheart. You're not the same woman I met all those years ago and it scares me," he whispered keeping his voice soft.

Effie looked up and their eyes met for the first time in days. All the pain she kept to herself shone clearly in his eyes and she knew he knew. Not everything, but... things – torture techniques that were used and ways they treated the traitors of the Capitol. Things she wouldn't repeat in fear of relapsing into the uncontrollable terror that ate at her for months until Katniss won over the oppressors.

"There's nothing to say," she retorted finally.

Getting up, Haymitch's fingers wrapped around Effie's delicate wrist so he pulled her back down next to him. "There's a lot to say."

Staring at him, she could see the invisible weight that crushed him. She didn't know whether it was her inability to face her fears that scared him, or whether it was the fact Haymitch was slowly losing sight of the one person she knew he loved.

"Haymitch," she breathed, her voice breaking slightly. "What happened... it was for you. I did it because I knew if I did you would have a chance of succeeding and you did. It's that such a crime?"

"Why did you do it for me?" He asked, his question barely audible with how broken he seemed. "I was a mess, Effie. Drunk, unmotivated, bitter and greedy."

"Because I loved you," Effie answered, sharply, her use of past tense making Haymitch question the love she held for him.

"But you still love me now?"

Effie weighed her answers before choosing the one that she knew would cause the less pain. "Effie loves you," she said, "but this woman" – she gestured to herself – "she doesn't know who she is."

Haymitch took one of her small hands in his, kissing her knuckles as he did. "Don't," he pleaded. "Don't think like that."

"But it's true," she stated, quickly. "I'm broken, destroyed, Haymitch. There are far too many pieces I don't expect you to be able to put back together. I've lost myself and you've lost the woman you loved."

"No!" He yelled; his were eyes glassy with tears, and Effie couldn't bear to look at him anymore. "You're in there somewhere," he finished his tone now piano.

Effie took their joined hands, placing them on her lap, her eyes concentrated on the interlacing fingers. "They took her away from me through water and electricity," she sighed, her eyes still traced on the two united hands. "It hurt so much and I was scared, but Effie... Effie wouldn't have been scared."

Haymitch examined her face, lifting her chin up with his index finger. "Effie would have been scared, just as I would've been."

"I could've been stronger like you in the arena. I could have tried to stop them and now..."

Haymitch closed his eyes, the pain swelling in his chest briefly overtaking him. How long had Effie been acting like her torture wasn't so bad... how long had he chosen to make the arena look like a playground? Damn it, they were both scared and Effie now more than him because she had nothing to block the pain from her mind, unlike his alcohol.

"I'm scared, too," he whispered into her ear.

"But you're brave, I am not."

"Then let me show you how to be brave," he pushed, his voice now so desperate it hurt him to know Effie felt so vulnerable.

Effie relaxed her rigid form, her shoulders dropping and her head relaxing onto Haymitch's chest. "Can you do that?" She asked, her hair covering half of her face in uneven lengths.

"I can try," Haymitch promised.

And Effie closed her eyes for the first time in days, knowing that Haymitch wouldn't give up on her like her captors had said. Instead Haymitch had become more determined to find Effie Trinket again, and released her from the cage the torture had captured her in.

"Thank you."

**A/N – Just a quick little one shot! I really hope you liked this! If so, Please Review!**

**Thanks, Katie1995.**


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